All addiction begins with some form of pain and an unwillingness to face this pain. Thus, one symptom of addiction is the tendency to "medicate" painful emotions with various mood altering substances. Superficially, it looks as though we become addicted to whatever substance alleviates our pain. As we have learned in the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know?" however, what we really get addicted to is the feeling that substance produces. The simple truth is that people take drugs because they feel good, and if they didn't produce that feeling, we wouldn't bother with them. Since what we're really addicted to is a feeling, we can be addicted to virtually anything that produces the desired feeling. You can become addicted to a substance, a person, a process, the internet, TV (my personal favorite), shopping, sex, the possibilities are limitless.
As dependence begins to progress, the user inevitably feels some shame around his or her use. Anyone who has been become addicted to anything will tell you that shame and addiction go hand in hand. In order to medicate this shame, the user needs even more of the drug and the vicious cycle begins.
This process, of course fits perfectly with the ego's need to stay in control of our lives. As you continue to use, you will feel the need to justify and defend your use. The voice of the ego is all too happy to supply you with those justifications and defenses. It'll even throw in someone to blame in the bargain. Of course you'll need to shame and punish yourself for your excesses once the euphoria has dissipated. The voice for the ego will be there immediately with all kinds of judgments, condemnations, and criticisms. What a field day! First it'll defend and justify your using, and then it'll flog you with remorse when the party's over. It gets you coming and going.
This brings up a deeper aspect of the relationship between shame and addiction. Not only are we addicted to the feeling that has medicated our pain, we are also addicted to the shame itself. Here's how it works. The Course In Miracles teaches that buried deep within our subconscious, we carry the tremendous guilt that comes from having usurped the power of God when the separation occurred. We believe subconsciously that we incurred the wrath of God by turning our backs on Him. Of course none of this ever really happened, but the ego believes it did and it's in charge. I mentioned that all addiction begins with some pain and an unwillingness to face that pain. The guilt we feel over the "murder of God" is too much for us to face. We think we've committed the unpardonable sin. We medicate this pain through the shame we feel about our addictions. It keeps our consciousness focused on what weak, out of control creatures we are. It keeps our consciousness focused on the people in the external world that we blame for our addictions. It is a darkness that conceals another darkness that goes to the very root of our existence. It is the unconscious belief that we murdered God. We look at crack babies and think how unfortunate it is that they are born into this world addicted to such a poisonous substance, while we come into this world with a pain so horrendous we dare not let it emerge into consciousness. And so to divert our attention from this pain, the ego offers us the shame of our addictions and persuades us to judge and condemn the world that caused them. The ego lets us feel this shame but tells not to look too deep. It warns that we may find something down there that may horrify us. Thus many of us cringe just to look in a mirror. What it is really afraid of is that we may look down and see what we really are—an extension of God's love, His one beloved Son.
So what should we do about our addictions? The first thing we must do is hold them up to the light and burn the shame off them. We are all addicts! And we need to admit that to ourselves and to one another. Take a few minutes now and look inside. Get in touch with your addictions. Shame can only grow in dark places. When we hold it up to the light of consciousness, it loses its power. Now here's the next thing you do. The next thing you do is……….nothing! That's right! Nothing. The second step of Alcoholics Anonymous says "Came to believe that a power greater then ourselves could restore us to sanity." Once you've admitted the addiction, you're done. There's nothing much more you can do through your own efforts. It's the Holy Spirit who will restore you to sanity, not you. So turn it over to the Holy Spirit now and ask for His guidance. Then listen to His voice and follow directions. You can do it; you've had tons of practice taking direction from your ego.
E/Motion
Either we get all energy and no motion ...addiction
or
We have motion and no energy i.e. we are going through the motions because it is what we think we are supposed to do OR we don't know what else to do OR we are driven as a way of avoiding our feelings.
When we truly know ourselves we have passion in our lives. We have MOTION toward a higher purpose and the PASSION TO FUEL IT.
But we don't get to this deepest and richest source of energy without going through the more uncomfortable feelings of anger, fear, sorrow, hurt--the guardians of the deepest passion and joy.
So our task is to name, claim and tame these feelings. It is a lifelong process and one that yields very rich rewinds.
Anger
Fear
Guilt
Shame
Hurt
Passion and Purpose
To name feelings is to identify them.
To claim feelings is to own and express them.
To tame feelings is to learn to manage them.