Don'cha T-Bone Me
Don'cha T-Bone Me
If our vehicles should meet
I could end up in your back seat
If ya T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone me
If ya turn to fast and sharp
I’ll be da one end up
Playin the harp
Don’cha T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone Me
Don’cha T-Bone Me
When our paths are perpendicular
You could be charged with homicide vehicular
If ya T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone Me
I’ll be all too glad to yield
Or I could end up on your windshield
If you T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone me
Don’cha T-Bone me
I already got bugs in ma teeth
Don’t wanna be the one with the funeral wreath
If ya T-Bone me
I dig my colonoscopies
Oh those caramel memories
Drinking Go-Lightly all day long
Squirting big muddy until dawn
The doc gives me some real good dope
Then he slips in the camera scope
I’m nodding off in ecstasy
Watching my insides on TV
The camera probes the dark unknown
Just like that Indiana Jones
Searching around for those polyps
Just like old Indy in some ancient Crypt
Then I wake up half in the bag
My privates hang out like Memorial day flags
I climb up through my purple haze
To see my sweetheart’s loving gaze
She says to me “How are you, Greg,
I thing you better close your legs”
The doctor walks in right on cue
And says “I got good news for you”
You’re quite alright you did just great
Your colon’s cleaner than Oprah’s dinner plate”
My lady helps put on my clothes
And she makes sure that my zippers’ closed
Then I walk out the door half stoned
And swagger down the hall like Indian Jones
Some people surf, some people ski,
I get my kicks by having colonoscopies.
Well I got rock in my crotch
And I got roll in my soul
And according to my watch
I’m 59 years old
I got Queen in my spleen
And Chuck Berry in my pituitary
And I feel seventeen
but I’m ripe for a coronary
It’s always been a part of me
Can’t be removed with surgery
My MRI has clearly shown
It’s in the marrow of my bones.
It’s always been a part of me
I had a colonoscopy
When checked out my insides
They found the place where Elvis hides
I got Neil Young in my tongue
Got Jimi Hendrix in my appendix
While’s there breath in my lungs
I never want to end this
Got Mick and Keith in my teeth
Got Dylan in my fillings
And though the body’s getting weak
Lord, the spirit sure is willin
It’s always been a part of me
My leg swelled just like a tree
They did a little surgery
And found Muddy Waters
On the knee
It’s always been a part of me
It’s even in my arteries
I just might have a heart attack
If I build up too much Fleetwood plaque
I have a very busy physiology
It takes a lot to calm me down
I get so dizzy with that nervous energy
That made my blue eyes turn James Brown
It’s always been a part of me
Deep in my anatomy
You know I must be walking tall
With testicles named John and Paul
It’s always been apart of me
I’m shakin’ just like Jerry Lee
I may be getting old and lame
But I’m a walkin
Rock and Roll Hall of Fame.
Warm summer nite
Me and the wife
In our back yard
playing guitar
Then in a flash
The moment was trashed
She said "I smell the cat box from hell."
I knew that scent
And what it meant
My kitty peedin my guitar case
Deep in our darkened old basement
She did the terrible deed
We thought that cat was low maintenance
We were obviously deceived
I ran down the basement stairs
Just so I could make sure
And saw my open case there on the floor
The crushed black velvet bed
Where my axe would repose
Smelled like the bathroom floor
When the john overflows
Now when I play
It is far away
Or else you'll think
"Boy this guy stinks"
And as for that cat
All grey, white, and fat
She's got no clue
That she was rude
All that she knows
Is this case is closed
Since my kitty peed in my guitar case.